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If you’re a Twitter user, then you’re familiar with “Favorite” tweets. For those who aren’t Twitter savvy, when you see a tweet that you like, you can save it as a “Favorite.” One of the tweets on my Favorite list was written by the Boo a few months ago.
I can’t deny it im crazy n love with @skinnyblackgirl. Yeah I Fcuk up from time to time but wifey hold me down…
Excuse me. My heart is actually fluttering as I type.
Yesterday morning, the Twitter world was up in arms over the trending topic #arealwifey, where guys and gals alike listed the attributes that makes one “wifey” material. As I followed the thoughts of my 410 Twitter friends, I witnessed the beginning of a strong anti-wifey movement. Most of the educated Talented Tenth folks that I follow expressed a serious hatred of the word. There were some who were neutral (or the Neutral Ninth as my girl @honeyybee called it. lol) My younger, less academic friends seemed to have no problem with it. Me, being the laid-back, hip-hop slang loving lady that I am, found myself wondering What the fcuk is the big deal?
From what I was reading, there was a huge dispute on the exact definition of a “wifey.” “A ‘wifey’ is not a wife.” No rings on my finger, so being referred to as “not a wife” doesn’t offend me. But then there were all of these breakdowns about the “real” titles; wife, fiancee, girlfriend, side piece and jumpoff. Those breakdowns were followed by notions that the word “wifey” was stupid and should be “boycotted.” Apparently, women who allow themselves to be referred to as “wifey” have low expectations, have no hope for ever being taken seriously in a relationship and are destroying relationships in the black community. Word? This made me consider my relationship and my acceptance of being referred to as “wifey.”
I’ve always treated the word moreso as a pet name than an actual title. Wifey, to my ears, sounds no different than “baby” or “boo.” In my own relationship I’m called babe, boo, booski, wifey and old lady. (I’ll be real and confess that me and mine are also fans of Jay-Z’s line “I’m on her bra strap, she’s on my dick. Ain’t nothin wrong with that, that’s my biiiiiitch.” So sue me. I told yall I like hip-hop.) I realized that all of these little nicknames are fine by me because they come from the lips of a man who adores me. Not a day goes by that I don’t feel completely loved, respected and taken care of. Do we have problems? Yes. But please believe that none of them are based on the fact that I think it’s cute when he calls me wifey.
The truth is, I’m not a wife or a fiancee. Which is fine. I’m not ready for marriage. As far as titles go, you’ll never hear me use the terms “boyfriend” or “girlfriend” because I abhor them both. (That’s not a knock to those who embrace bf/gf, it’s just not my thing.) I’m in a geuinely fulfilling relationship. Shouldn’t that be the indicator of a relationship’s validity, rather than the petnames we use? After processing my thoughts on the matter, I came to this conclusion:
What I’ve noticed in this whole wife/wifey debate is that ppl are WAAAY too caught up on titles and nomenclature.
The question is how are you TREATED? Treat me well and whatever term of endearment you use to address me will work just fine.
The word “wifey” is not assassinating Black love. If it works for you, use it. If it doesn’t, leave it be. But let’s not stone folks who are comfortable with it. In the end, it’s just not that serious.
