Sitting With Saturn (An Astrology Post)

It’s hard not to start astrology-related posts with disclaimers, because I get it. There are a lot of folks who think astrology is bullshit, and if my only references were Sun Sign descriptions and vague daily horoscopes, I’d raise a brow as well. But the thing is–there’s more to it.

I’m not here to make you a believer, though. As usual, I’m here to tell you a story about my life and this particular tale happens to be heavily-influenced by the stars.

Three years ago, when I first had my natal chart done, I learned that my Moon is in Scorpio. What the hell does that mean, you ask? Well, while your Sun sign represents your “doing” and self-expression, the Moon sign reveals your emotional life and how you handle things internally. To be honest, I was upset to know that my emotional life was ruled by such an intense, brooding sign like Scorpio, but of course it made perfect sense. I have to go through several layers of feels privately before I can present the calm and collected version of SBG that most folks meet. This discovery also explained why I’m not the typical “sunshine and rainbows” variety of my Sun sign, Libra. I’m far less romantic, less into partnership, and less idealistic than the common Libra. (Side note: here is the best descriptor of a Libra Sun/Scorpio Moon combination. It’s my personality in a nutshell.)

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Keeps Gettin' Better?

I’m a Libra.

To a lot of people, that means that I’m always balanced and serene.

If I have any fellow Libras reading, we know much better.

Those scales that represent my zodiac doom me to a lifetime of seeking perfect balance. Such perfection does not exist. Which means that I’m always going to be on a hunt for a nonexistent idea of perfection. No matter how nonsensical this idea may be, I won’t let go of it. Ever.

My entire life I’ve operated between two extremes. On one hand, I can be too humble. Too accomodating. To the point of being an insecure doormat. (Hard to imagine, I know, but it’s a part of me I don’t really like, so I try to kill those thoughts before I ever come near a keyboard.) On the other hand, I can be outrageously cocky. To the point where I can be a straight up bitch. And it always has the same cycle. I try to become a better person by being more humble. Guard comes down. Vulnerability surfaces. Emotions flow freely. Then I start feeling like an emotional sap. A punk. And so I put that patented cockiness back on and it feels great. But then I notice other not so nice attributes come out like pettiness. And I feel immature. And then it starts all over again.

I’ve always searched for that intersection. Where I can strut and come off like “Yeah, I’m that shit. And I know it. And?” while still having a humble heart and being able to acknowledge the talents of others. Where I can be feelin myself without having to prove supremacy. It’s literally a constant battle.

Until I can finally claim victory, I’ll have to get comfortable with and accept my extremes, as crazy as they may seem.

But perhaps, that’s not such a bad thing…