Once again, Justine Musk wrote the best thing I’ve read on the Internet this week. In her latest post entitled “dating advice,” she tackles the story of a fabulous friend of hers who was overthinking why a guy hadn’t called her back. Justine goes on to discuss a non-attached approach to dating (um, where have yall heard this before? Yeah. I say it all the time.) and she brought it all the way home with the following section:
Irony is that when you don’t have so much invested in the outcome, when you have the power to walk away – no harm, no foul – you are more likely to get what you want (or what you think you want). And I’m not talking about being aloof or hard-to-get; but about being present, vulnerable, in the moment, enjoying the process as another life experience, focusing on the other person instead of getting lost in your own head, open to whatever this is going to teach you about your life, your ability to be in relationship, yourself.
And whatever happens, happens.
It’s no big deal.
In order to have that sense of ease and non-attachment, it probably helps to believe the following:
You are okay on your own.
And this is why Justine Musk continues to be one of my favorite bloggers.
You know why so many single and non-committed folks hate Valentine’s Day? Because greeting card companies don’t make cards for those tricky spaces between friends and full-blown lovers. What about a card that says: “To the one I’d be serious with if I was ready to be serious” or “For that One Guy who does that One Thing really well?” I’d personally like a card that says “Thanks for that one morning where I woke up with my edges sweated out singing Jill Scott’s ‘Whatever’ in my head.” I’m just saying, you’d think with the rise of hook up culture that Hallmark or American Greetings would get on this already.
I want to take better Instagram pictures, but this is difficult when I hibernate during the harsh Cleveland winter. I’ve got this new phone with a much improved camera, my shooter finger is itchy, and I try to keep the selfies to a 1:10 ratio. I need cool stuff to take pictures of.
I know. That is a first world problem if there ever was one.
I have a new answer to questions regarding when I’ll “settle down.” (Though, technically, I’m already pretty settled as I’m nearing 30, plan to be a lifetime renter, don’t want a husband or babies, have settled into a career, and have a 401k) But for the sake the traditional meaning of “settling down,” I’ll do so when the men my age get their first marriages and babies out of the way. I’ve noticed that while plenty of guys are about that YOLO life in their 20s, they *mostly* have pretty traditional values and want a Claire Huxtable and 2.5 kids some day.
I figure I can pull a Gabrielle Union. Which means get a divorced cutie who’s already had his little mans. Divorced folks tend to be more open to less traditional long term relationships, having already had a not-so-good shot at the old fashioned way. It’ll be much easier to convince someone who’s been there and done that why I should keep my last name and my uterus unfertilized.
I have given up on discussing Scandal with Twitter. Because people are stupid. But last night’s episode? Whoa.
I don’t know how this happened but I have become a huge Beyonce fan. I’ve always respected her, but lately I’m in awe of how dope she is. I think it’s her consistently seamless transitions between ratchet and tasteful. I aspire to have that kind of balance in my life.
That said, I’m geeked for the Super Bowl. I don’t have many public occasions that appeal to both my tomboy and girly sides. So #GoNiners and #WERKBITCH.
I know you read the paper, the one that they call the Queen…