Love the One You're With

"I gotta bone to pick with Robin Monique!"

Dear Robin,

Lately you’ve been doing a lot of whining about how badly you want to get rid of me. Your ass has been downright rude. All over Twitter talking about how my applications are sucky and that you’re so called “over” my sexy touch screen capabilities. I know you daydream of Blackberrys with all of their supposed “awesomeness” and the “miracle” that is BlackBerry Messenger. So next month you’ll have the opportunity to trade me in and upgrade to something you think is so much better. But before you do, let me remind you of a few things:

• I worked just fine until that evening you decided to tipsy text/Tweet while drinking that sticky pink shit. Remember? You spilled X-Rated on me which is why four of my main buttons no longer work. Don’t think you can really blame the folks at Palm for that one.
• You keep talking about better applications. You barely TOUCH the applications that I have! When was the last time you did anything other than text, Tweet, internet browse or make a phone call from me? Miss me with all that ish about being a “young businesswoman” I can count with one key how often you’ve used me to read a document or a spreadsheet.
• That BBM ish that everyone keeps praising looks no different than my threaded text messaging feature. So it moves faster than text? How effin fast do you need to receive information???
• All this BlackBerry talk is nothing more than you trying to keep up with the Joneses. You just want to be one of the “cool kids” who exchanges pin numbers instead of phone numbers. So you’re going to spend money that you really don’t need to spend so you don’t feel left out of crowd? You suck for that.

Here is a thought: Pay the $50 deductible to get me replaced, get a cute little case to keep the new me protected, keep the sticky liquor away from me, read up on what you can do with me and shut the hell up already. You keep talking all this BS and I guarantee my internet browser will suddenly get as slow as hell.

Sincerely,

The Centro